Rules of the Game
by papalogia
Summary: A lazy Sunday culminates in Mirajane attempting to teach her boyfriend how to play Monopoly. Of course, the Underworld King manages to turn it into a huge history lesson. "It's a wonderful allegory for capitalism, Mirajane."


**A/N:** For howlingwolvesonfire, who requested MardMira on tumblr with the prompt "teach me to play?"

Two things, my knowledge of Monopoly is...dry. It's been a while. Also, that whole thing about the history of Monopoly? ENTIRELY TRUE, I SPENT TWO HOURS RESEARCHING IT.

This is set in YingYang!Verse, where Tartarus and its demons exist, but Tartarus never happened. For all intents and purposes, they're good guys. Absolute dorks.

* * *

To say that Mirajane Strauss enjoyed spring cleaning was an understatement.

She adored it. She loved the thrill she received when she unearthed some old trinket that had been lost some ages ago, the order that was left in her wake, and the newness that remained when all was complete. So it was with great joy that she began her Sunday morning in the basement of her lovely little house going through the old boxes that had remained sealed for several years.

Now that Elfman and Evergreen had purchased their own white picket fence house, and Lisanna had moved in with Bixlow, Mira had no need to keep the old boxes of their things with her. Today, she would pull out what was theirs and have them collect it later that week.

She hummed as she moved onto the fourth box, with Lisanna's childish scrawl deeming it 'GAMES' in bold red letters. Mira flicked open her penknife once more, and tore through the tape that held it shut. Coughing lightly as dust rose with the flaps, Mira squinted at the titles that lay inside.

"Monopoly? That is an odd name," a low, velveteen voice came from behind her. Squeaking, Mira dropped her knife, which fell onto the stone floor with a loud clatter, and wheeled around to face her boyfriend, who was dressed immaculately in black slacks and a fitted white shirt with the sleeves rolled to the elbows, his long black hair in its customary ponytail.

"Mard! You must warn me when you approach like that, you gave me a scare!"

It had been quite the surprise for Mirajane when the Guild Master of Tartarus, a quiet former Dark Guild composed of demons from many of Zeref's books that had chosen to try to live a simpler existence, had approached the pretty S-Class-turned-barmaid with the request of an evening out. Soon, one meeting a month became once a week, and that soon became once a day until she worked up the courage to ask him to properly date her, much to Jackal's never-ending amusement. Now, nearly a year after that day, Mard had all but moved in to her house, going so far as to offering to pay half the monthly mortgage.

"My apologies, Mirajane. I will ensure to do it next time," he ducked his head as he made his way by her side. He peered at the box with a faint curiosity in his black eyes. "Spring cleaning?"

"Yes! I figured I'd move Elf and Lis' things out so they can come grab it later! But these games...it's not like I play them anymore, though I'd love to. Clue was a personal favourite!" she smiled up at him as he kept his eyes fixed on the box of Monopoly. It appeared it had piqued his interest. "Why is it such an interesting name?"

"Mono is a prefix meaning one, only, or single, and poly is also a prefix, but it means many. It is a contradicting name," his lips were pulled down in a slight frown. "I do not understand it."

"It's a really fun board game! Friendships have been destroyed playing this!" Mira whispered conspiratorially, giggling as his eyes widened slightly. "Then why do you humans insist on continuing to play with it if it destroys those bonds you seem to cherish so deeply? And you are aware of it, too."

"Oh, I was kidding, darling! People just tend to get quite...rambunctious while playing."

That was potentially the most delicate way she could phrase it. To this day, she was absolutely convinced that she had been the one to help set Laxus off on his crazed desire to be Guild Master by beating him in the game. The hate had been brewing, yes, but in his mind, the fact that a eleven year old in skimpy leather clothes could best him in a game of resources was a sure sign that his control over the Guild was slowing. If nothing, she had sped up the process a few years.

"I...see," Mard said slowly, though it was clear in his tone he didn't. Mira sighed softly. Over four hundred years of existence and the Underworld King had so little working knowledge of the simple things. Ask him, and she was certain he could report battle strategies utilized three hundred years ago by the military, but provide him with glitter and glue, and the man was a lost cause.

"Teach me to play?" his hard eyes implored hers, and she jerked back in surprise. Mard wasn't one to ask for help if he could help it. Catching her surprised look, he elaborated, "It could be a...couples game night?"

She laughed softly. So that's what it was. Mard had minimal understanding of a regular couples daily adventures together, operating on what he knew from novels and what Jackal fed him, but Mira was only too pleased to indulge in his awkward attempts at bonding. Sure he didn't quite get the concept of a movie night, but Mira enjoyed the little things he did, like attempting (key word) to make supper on Friday's.

"Certainly, darling. Let me just freshen up and I'll show you. We can play a round before lunch, how does that sound?" he nodded, pulling out the box and flipping it upside down for the instructions. He meandered away, absorbed in his reading, and Mira winced as he banged his head on the door post on his way out.

* * *

"I've left the chicken in the oven to bake while we play, so we're set for a while!" Mira smiled as she entered the living room. She had switched out the summer dress she had been wearing earlier for a pair of trendy capris and a bright yellow shirt, tossing her hair up in a ponytail that matched her boyfriend's in all but colour. Said man lay sprawled out on his side on the carpet, his head propped up by one arm as he lazily perused the instruction booklet.

"Oh? What kind?"

"Your favourite! Honey mustard!" his eyes lit up momentarily, and had he been anyone else, she was certain he would have been drooling. "And that's not all! Bacchus recently dropped off a bottle of dry White Bordeaux that I think will compliment it wonderfully!"

"Heavens above, woman, I am starving already," he muttered, tossing the book to the side. "Well? What am I to do?"

"Were you not just reading the instructions?"

"I did ask you to teach me, Mirajane. That manual was awfully convoluted," he stretched comfortably, staring at her with dark eyes. She scratched her head thoughtfully as she tried to recall the rules correctly.

"Well, do you understand the different houses and things like that? Or do I need to explain that, as well?" when he shook his head, she sighed in relief. "Good, all I have to do is explain the basics!"

"First, we select a banker. I suppose I'll fill in this role as I know the game already. Basically, this means I am in charge of all the assets owned by the bank still, and I have a separate account for myself as a player. We each select a token to act as ourselves here, so I will take...the horse," she plucked the little metal figure from the pile. Mard pulled out the bag of money and rolled it between his fingers idly.

"We each start with 150000 Jewels. This is created by two of the 50000, four of the 10000, one of the 5000, one of the 2000, two of the 1000, one of the 500, and five of the 100," she pulled out the colourful bills as she said this, handing Mard's share to him. She tucked hers in their individual groups under the board, and he mirrored her.

"We decide who goes first by rolling the dice, the person with the highest number goes first," Mard handed her the dice, and she cupped her palms, shaking them quickly before dropping the little cubes. "I got 7!"

He repeated her actions. "8. I go first."

"Great! We start at GO," she pointed to the box with the arrow, "And you move forward depending on whatever number you rolled. You go 8 spaces forward. Basically, the point is to get as rich as possible, and for the sake of time, let's say whoever has the most money by the time the timer goes off wins!"

"And the prize?"

"P-prize? There's no prize for winning..."

"Ah, but that defeats the purpose of any game that requires such wit, does it not? Every winner gets a prize, Mirajane, it has been so for centuries. So tell me," his eyes gleamed wickedly. "What do we wager?"

"Winner doesn't do chores for a month?" she offered. He paused, thinking it over, and nodded. "Acceptable. Vacuuming is...hellish."

She rolled her cerulean eyes, and waved him to continue. He moved forth, landing on North Carolina Avenue, and stared at her. "Now?"

"Now you can choose to purchase it or move on," she shrugged. "If I land on it later, I have to pay you tax, which is basically how you get money."

"I will take it," he handed her the appropriate amount of bills, and she gave him the deed. He raised a delicate eyebrow. "A deed? How...official."

"It's a very serious game," she said as she advanced on the board. "Oh! I've hit the community chest!"

She drew one of the cards from the pile and laughed merrily. "Well, I have a get out of jail free card handy if need be! Oh! Mard, before I forget, you should try for a monopoly, and by that, I mean purchase all the properties of similar colours to charge double the rent, and also, place either a house or farm atop your properties to increase those values as well. Farms are worth more, I think."

Mard nodded, rolling his dice. "Nine."

And thus the game went on. Mira noticed her boyfriend's eyebrows furrow as they continued, but was impressed by the way he commanded the board. He owned several properties by the time they had passed GO again, and she had to pay rent several times, doubled by the little red farms he had on them.

"You're awfully good at this," she remarked, placing a bright red 500 inside the bank as payment to escape jail. "Are you certain you've never played before?"

"It reminds me of the capitalist society Bosco operates on, and the one Fiore almost fell to," her jaw dropped. Mard continued to examine the latest card he had drawn, swiftly paying the 500 fine in lieu of going to jail. "E-Excuse me? Fiore was almost capitalist? When did this happen? How did the King-?"

"This was about three hundred years ago, when the monarchy was at its weakest. Capitalism exists in every society at some point, Mirajane, Fiore is no exception," Mard indicated his riches, and her sparse amount of bills. "It's a wonderful allegory. In this case, I am the upper-class with mounds of wealth. You are the lower class with little. Note how easy it is for me to escape jail-I have the means to do so, whereas you would have to either remain for your allotted time, or take out loans to escape, which would then pile up with interest on you, sinking you further into monetary troubles. You are more constrained by rules, you must think before you purchase, whereas I can do whatever I wish to.

"Actually, it's rather interesting, the history of Monopoly. It was created in response to the changing system of wealth and the new hierarchy, if you will. It presented an interesting mix of applying a theory to practice without actually harming the economy, so it was easy to see the effects of purchasing land needlessly. It's also meant to display power inequality if utilized properly," he finished. Mira looked flabbergasted as he merely continued to roll his dice, as if he hadn't just dropped an earth-shattering revelation upon her lap.

"I...I forfeit," she said weakly. "No point in continuing, you've definitely won this."

The Take Over Mage rose shakily, making her way to the kitchen. She pulled the chicken out of the stove, placing it on the cooking range and throwing her oven mitts into their designated drawer, all while deep in thought.

Of course he would manage to make it a history lesson. It was at times like these that she was reminded how old he really was, how he would certainly outlive her, and how he would have many years to come. He had seen the rise and fall of many societies, taken part in tearing them down or building them up, and remembered it all. It was no surprise at all that he was able to see the hidden meaning being monopoly, a seemingly innocuous board game with a far darker history than she had thought possible.

"Mirajane, be careful-!" Mira bit back a scream as her fingers touched the scalding glass that held the chicken. She had been so distracted in her thoughts that she hadn't noticed her fingers wandering. Hopping lightly on her feet, she blew at the reddened flesh, fighting back the sting of tears in her eyes.

Mard's hand wrapped around her wrist as directed her to the taps, where the cool water took away all the pain from the burn. She sighed in relief, bracing herself for the moment the water turned off and the burn returned full force.

 _Stupid little whore. Your inattentiveness has injured our vessel! How dare you desecrate my resting place?_

 _Halphas! That is enough with your crassness! Mira was distracted, not her fault. And why would you call her a whore?_

 _Oh, shut up, Sitri! No one cares for your diplomacy, that died out years ago!_

 _G-guys? Shouldn't we c-calm down just a little? Mistress is in pain, and-_

 _Put a sock in it, normie. You're the most basic of us Satan Souls, you've no room to speak! Go fucking-_

 _Halphas, I have had it up to here with you!_

"-jane? Mirajane?" the white haired woman shook her head quickly, tuning out her raging Satan Souls in favour of staring into the concerned eyes of her boyfriend. She shook her head, plastering a bright smile on her face. "Sorry! The Satan Souls are getting a little chatty up there. Sitri is attempting to berate Halphas for being rude, and my regular is trying to mediate."

"Do you require me to have a discussion with them?"

The fact that Mard was capable of talking to her Souls individually was something of a legend amongst the Guild. Mard claimed it was because they recognized him as the dominant demon, the more powerful of them. After all, what demonic soul would refuse to submit to the demands of the Underworld King? Even Halphas obeyed with no arguments.

"No, it's nothing important. Sorry, again," she hissed as he shut off the taps and the burning pain reignited on her fingers. Leading her to the table, he pushed her lightly into her seat and moved to find the first aid kit she had stocked in the cupboard beneath the sink.

"Mard, this is only a first degree burn, no need for dressings," she protested as he flipped open the kit and pulled out the tube of ointment, the gauze, and medical tape. He ignored her, holding her hand before him and examining the red marks on the backs of her fingers, just over her knuckles. Snapping on a pair of latex gloves, he carefully smeared a healthy amount of the clear gel over the burn with a cotton ball, and then pressed a square piece of gauze on top, wincing with her as she hissed yet again. Tearing them off into wide pieces, Mard secured the gauze with the medical tape, balling up the waste materials in his palm, pulling off that glove to make an impromptu bag, and sealing that one within the other glove. Finally, he raised her hand and pressed a gentle kiss on the gauze, staring at her the whole while.

"A kiss to make it heal faster. That is what you told Lisanna when she got that head wound on her mission last month."

"Thank you, darling," she leaned forward and bestowed a soft kiss to his forehead, brushing back his bangs and marveling in the softness of his black hair.

"May I ask what had you so distracted? No, sit, I will finish with the chicken," he rose, making his way to the stove top where the chicken still lay in its glass platter. Shifting through the contents of one of the drawers, he pulled out one of the serving platters and her abandoned oven mitts. A swift movement on his behalf had the chicken in the serving platter, and the glass was in the sink soon after.

"Nothing! It's just that...sometimes I forget how old you are compared to me. How much you've seen. It's things like these little history lessons you give when we play that remind me," he stilled as he held the bottle of Bordeaux in one hand, toying with the cork with his other.

"Does it bother you?" he asked finally. "The substantial age gap? I am nearly four hundred, and you are merely twenty one, after all."

"No! No, of course not! I just wish I was as cultured as you sometimes! I would like to have in depth discussions with you about topics you enjoy, you must have to dumb yourself down terribly with me," she shifted uncomfortably under his blank stare, willing him to glance away for a moment.

 _Oh now you've done it, bitch. You insulted the fucking Underworld King. God, why is my vessel such a fucking dumbass?_

 _Halphas, I swear to Zeref, I will end your existence on the spot if you continue to demean Mirajane like this!_

 _Fuck you, Sitri! Here I am trying to save our asses-_

 _H-Halphas, I doubt Lord Mard Geer would be angered at Mistress, he a-adores her q-quite fiercely. H-he tends to get m-more annoyed by y-you, if anything._

 _Oh? What the fuck are you implying, normie?_

 _Halphas! You will stand down-!_

Mirajane forced down the pulse of dark energy that threatened to escape as Sitri waged a war with Halphas within her soul, with her regular Satan Soul trying desperately to calm the two down.

"Why would you think that, Mirajane?" he inquired as he approached, crouching before her. "I find you fascinating."

"Y-you enjoy politics," she stammered, wincing slightly at the wave of energy Halphas released as she tried to blow up Sitri. "I have a rudimentary understanding of it all, not nearly enough to keep you occupied. History is more Levy or Freed's forte."

"You do keep me engaged. Society is an ever changing thing, Mirajane, and because I remained recluse in The Cube for fifty something years, I have much to catch up on. You teach me these things. If anything, I feel you have to dumb yourself down to make me understand simple things," Mira waved her hands quickly, in part to dispel his notions and in the other part to hopefully distract him from the pained look her face took on as she focused to bottling up her magic tightly.

"No, goodness no! I enjoy it, Mard, seeing you learn new things and...I'm sorry," she panted, clutching her head. "Give me a moment, please, Halphas and Sitri are going at it something fierce today."

Her hands were pulled down by his, and she felt his hot, minty breath blowing against her ear as he spoke in a soft, dangerous tone.

"Hello Halphas. Sitri. Regular Satan Soul."

 _Underworld King!_

 _Master Mard Geer!_

 _M-my Lord Mard G-Geer._

"Halphas. Are you fighting with Sitri again?"

 _Well, it's more like I'm trying to educate the vessel-_

His grip on her wrists tightened slightly. "The _vessel_ has a name."

 _Fine, I'm trying to tell Mira she needs to be more careful with her body, we won't be of much help in a fight if she keeps fucking it up for us._

 _And you called her a whore! And a bitch!_

 _Sitri, you fucking tattle-tale!_

"Both of you will silence yourselves immediately," when they remained quiet, he continued, "I have had it with your needless bantering. You are both to respect Mirajane for her allowance of your souls to share her body. If I even sense that she is in discomfort due to either of you, rest assured I will take action. Am I understood?"

 _Yes, sir._

 _Yes, my Lord._

 _O-of course._

"They shouldn't be much of a bother, then," he said as he pulled back. She gave him a gentle smile, moving her hands till they held his tightly. "Thank you."

"Anything for you, my demonness," she blushed furiously at the pet name, glancing at their joined hands. Her brows furrowed as something struck her as odd.

"Darling?"

"Hm?"

"How did you know of the history of Monopoly if you hadn't played it before?" he shifted, and what looked like nervousness filled his eyes. Realization dawned on her. "You knew exactly what it was, didn't you?"

"I...I apologize. I like listening to you talk and explain things, and I figured playing a board game would be decent...bonding," he licked his lips, jolting in surprise when she laughed merrily.

"Oh, you are so sweet!" the tips of his ears pinked slightly. "No wonder you're so good at this! I-"

Mard looked at her with concern in his eyes as she trailed off. A wicked gleam replaced the sparkle in her pretty blue eyes.

"Darling, I've got an idea." He motioned for her to continue.

"What say you we have a Guild wide Monopoly tournament? Except...we replace the fake Jewels with real ones to increase the stakes?" excitement coloured her voice, and she clapped her hands in glee. "And the winner keeps their money! With your prowess at the game, we would win with ease!"

"And we would show up the gamblers of the Guild," he murmured. "Establish dominance. Incite fear."

"And more importantly..." she grinned. "There is a prize. Did you not say every winner gets their prize? What better than bragging rights?"

She squealed as he swept her in his arms, a smirk on his lips. "You, my little demonness, are quite the conniving woman. I adore you."

"And I you," she purred, looping her arms around his neck.

* * *

"Aw, come the fuck on!" Cana moaned. "You did not seriously just make me go bankrupt!"

"Why that we did," Mira smiled beatifically at the Guild's resident alcoholic, who threw the last of her bills at Mard. The Underworld King calmly sorted through the money, placing them in their designated piles. To the side, Flare was comforting Laxus, who not only had lost a substantial amount of his money playing, but was also having flashbacks to the last time he had played against a demon in the game.

"Don't try to take over the Guild this time, Laxus," Mira called. The blond snarled, pouting and glaring to the side.

"Erik, what is going on? How is he sweeping us away?" Lucy hissed. She was one of the few still remaining at the board. It was only at times like these she was grateful for her upbringing, which left her with a considerable knowledge of economics. To her immediate right, her Platonic Soul Mate snorted lightly. "Capitalism. He's applying the rules of capitalism to the board, Bright Eyes, and using his four hundred year old knowledge to empty our wallets."

"Damn, I really wish I'd paid attention three centuries ago when Fiore almost fell to it," Jackal bemoaned. His blonde girlfriend nearly dropped her drink as both she and Cobra stared at the man. "Fiore almost fell to capitalism?!"

"Here we go again," Mard muttered.

"Babe, calm down, literally every country has at some point," Lucy looked rather like a lost puppy. "I'm a complete failure. How didn't I know this? I had the best training in politics and economics growing up! Oh, I'm a failure!"

Jackal looked panicked as he scattered his deeds reaching for her. "Babe! You ain't a failure! It's lost history! Lost history! Ophidiophile, you tell her!"

"Fuck you, kitty cat! Anyway, Bright Eyes, he's right-!"

"Jackals are part of the canine family! Canine, not feline!"

Ignoring the squabbling threesome, Mard stared at the only remaining player at the board. Bacchus was surprisingly good at the game, having outlasted almost everyone.

"Your next move?"

"Ah, I forfeit! Ain't no way I'm gonna beat you, the stakes are too high. You got a monopoly, so rents double, and the chances of me rolling a twelve to hit GO are minimal. Wild!" the Palm Mage slapped down his money. Mard stared at him with appraising eyes. "You are awfully good at this game, Mr. Groh."

"I'm the corporate heir to Groh Distilleries, I kind of grew up managing money. Economics and accounting is my thing," Bacchus winked.

"Intelligence hidden behind alcohol."

"Ladies like a boozed up playboy to a stuffy heir, in my experience. Numbers bore people, jaegerbombs don't," he got up shakily, waving as he hefted a petulant Cana into his arms. "And there's a lovely lady here that needs some cheerin' up! Drinks on me, babe!"

Mard turned to Lucy, who simply sighed and raised her hands in defeat. "I'm done. You win, Master Geer."

"A wise decision, Miss Heartfilia," he nodded. Lucy smiled at him, immediately wheeling on the brawling Jackal and Cobra. "Erik, don't you dare poison my boyfriend! Cats get poisoned too easily!"

"Lucy, babe, you of all people? Jackals are canines! Canines!"

Mira sighed happily, dropping herself onto her boyfriend's lap and smiling up at him. She poked his chest. "So? How much did you get?"

"Close to a million Jewels," he smirked. Across the room, Laxus let out a howl of rage, and Cana shrieked at the number.

"How in fuck-!" Sorano smacked Gray's head to cut him off. "Shut up! You're giving me a headache, useless fiance. Can't even win a round of Monopoly..."

Mira's eyes widened as Mard tugged her head down, placing a soft kiss on her lips. His eyes glittered in what could pass for happiness, and she echoed the sentiment.

"Thank you, Mira. For teaching me to play."

"Anything for you," she laughed, kissing him once more.

* * *

 **A/N:** I really enjoy writing for these dorks, they're my OTP for a reason.

-Touko


End file.
